I'll just ignore the white elephant in the blog. You know, the fact that it's been more than a month since I posted even though I committed to put my words out there publicly more often than that. It's that looming statement that I'm choosing to ignore and not even bring up. I've been busy.
It's funny. I find myself surprised that there was still so much to do "wedding-wise" even after mentally planning so much ahead of time, but everyone else hears that we're done planning with 80 days to go and thinks we're way ahead of schedule. Personally, I would have liked to have been done a month ago. Really, though, I'm enjoying it, so I'd probably be bored if there wasn't so much to do.
Enough with the wedding talk, though. I'm not that kind of blogger. I've been processing a lot after a summer of mission trips, and especially as we really dive into marriage counseling (promise, that's the last wedding reference). I'm realizing just how dreadfully far away from holiness I am. At times, I'm so overwhelmed by my own sinfulness, I wonder how a saved person can feel that much guilt. I am convinced that God has saved me, but my sin seems so big, and the reality of what it deserves is deadly. More than guilt, though, I think I'm daily increasing in the realization of God's grace in my life. The more I learn about who God is and what He has done and continues to do in my life, the more I see the depth of who I am - which is nothing. The fact that God looks at me now and sees Jesus Christ is incredible. It's that kind of awakening that is drawing me more and more to the Lord and that is creating within me a deepening desire for holiness.
