What satisfies my soul? I mean really, at this moment in my life, what would make me say, "I am so satisfied."
Sadly, if I was being honest, I would often say food, pleasure, entertainment, a job well done, etc. Which is why Psalm 63 really hit me today as I read what I should have read yesterday.
"My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for you." (v. 5-7)
Ouch. In fact, double ouch.
Not only should my soul be satisfied in God, for Whom it should thirst (v.1), but it should be satisfied just as much and even so much more than I would ever think I'm satisfied by the sweetness of food. And it's a lasting satisfaction ... "I will bless you as long as I live" (v.4). No food, pleasure, entertainment or job would ever give me a satisfaction that would cause me to praise it for as long as I live!
Now here's where the double ouch happened...
The last couple of nights have been really long for me. I tend to panic a bit internally at bedtime, especially if I had some extra caffeine or maybe something I ate didn't sit right. If I don't feel like I'm breathing normally, or if I'm worried that I'll be awake after Ryan is asleep, or if the wind is blowing a bit too strongly outside, I'm awake in my bed for hours. I'm meditating during those watches of the night, but definitely not on God. I'm meditating on myself, and on what satisfaction I think my husband or my own health or even my own safety will provide. But God has been my help! I should treasure those times of meditating on HIM! Times of great joy while dwelling in the shadow of His wings!
My time in the Word has become a treasure this year as I've made myself stay faithful to it, but it's also been really challenging. I want to be solely satisfied, "souly satisfied," in Him, and it should be so easy, but it's such a struggle.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Data Review Meeting Tomorrow
We'll be meeting with a small team of UBC folks tomorrow morning to review all of our survey data from the Northeast Church Planting trip. I'm looking forward to hearing their thoughts and sharing once again what we learned, but before then there's much to do. This is the first time (aside from a visit from Ryan's parents) that we've had guests in our home for a meal, so the pressure is on.
1. Sleep...soon.
2. Wake up. (This is definitely the most challenging task.)
3. Make pigs in a blanket.
4. Bake muffins.
5. Wash, cut and arrange fruit.
6. Open another box of dishes and set the table.
7. Get dressed. (Just being honest...it will probably take this long to do it.)
8. Plate yogurt, fruit and baked goods.
9. Brew coffee.
10. Fry bacon.
11. Scramble eggs.
12. Put salt and pepper on the table. (I ALWAYS forget to do this since I grew up not using it.)
13. Play hostess.
14. Compose thoughts for sharing memories from a month ago.
I'm worn out just thinking about it! Timing is my biggest issue in the kitchen, so hopefully with Ryan's help I can get it all down and serve it at the right time and temperature. I'm getting much better and grateful for continued opportunities to improve my skills in the kitchen!
1. Sleep...soon.
2. Wake up. (This is definitely the most challenging task.)
3. Make pigs in a blanket.
4. Bake muffins.
5. Wash, cut and arrange fruit.
6. Open another box of dishes and set the table.
7. Get dressed. (Just being honest...it will probably take this long to do it.)
8. Plate yogurt, fruit and baked goods.
9. Brew coffee.
10. Fry bacon.
11. Scramble eggs.
12. Put salt and pepper on the table. (I ALWAYS forget to do this since I grew up not using it.)
13. Play hostess.
14. Compose thoughts for sharing memories from a month ago.
I'm worn out just thinking about it! Timing is my biggest issue in the kitchen, so hopefully with Ryan's help I can get it all down and serve it at the right time and temperature. I'm getting much better and grateful for continued opportunities to improve my skills in the kitchen!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A Lesson in Wifery
I've been planning to try a new recipe for a few weeks since we accidentally bought some kielbasa and had to find a way to use it. It was only supposed to take 30 minutes, but of course ended up taking longer. It looked beautiful in the pan, and I thought it tasted pretty good, but Ryan just said it was "different."
This was the first time that he just didn't like a recipe. I've messed some up before, but made them again and they were fine. This time, he just didn't really like it. It was a hard thing for me to accept internally because I had worked so hard on it and planned it for so long. I think the hardest part was knowing this might happen again, especially since I don't plan on cooking the same five meals for the rest of my life!
I've seen it happen many times in my parents' marriage, but I always assumed it would never happen to me. Five and a half months in, though, that assumption was destroyed. It's not anything life-changing by any means, but yet another lesson in being a wife that came unexpectedly.
How's married life, you ask? Sanctifying.
This was the first time that he just didn't like a recipe. I've messed some up before, but made them again and they were fine. This time, he just didn't really like it. It was a hard thing for me to accept internally because I had worked so hard on it and planned it for so long. I think the hardest part was knowing this might happen again, especially since I don't plan on cooking the same five meals for the rest of my life!
I've seen it happen many times in my parents' marriage, but I always assumed it would never happen to me. Five and a half months in, though, that assumption was destroyed. It's not anything life-changing by any means, but yet another lesson in being a wife that came unexpectedly.
How's married life, you ask? Sanctifying.
My Own Tsunami
I spent 20 minutes this morning watching this video about believers in Japan who are dealing with life after a massive earthquake and tsunami. God used it in a powerfully convicting way for me, hitting me with a force similar to that of a tsunami, as I listened to these men cry out to God in terror, in hope, in faith, in awe of the One they know is their only satisfaction and strength.
I've often wondered what would prompt a psalmist like David to say some of the things he said to God. There are Psalms where it seems he is crying out in anger, and I've thought a lot about what righteous anger means. There's a man praying in this video with that kind of anger. He shouts his prayers in a way that would create an uprising in many of our churches, but watching him grow weak and weep at the conclusion of the prayer, it made sense.
"I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of my grief; it grows weak because of all my foes." (Psalm 6:7)
This guy knows what that feels like. He's experienced those very things, and he doesn't understand why God has allowed this kind of grief. His heart cries out that emotion to God, but in a way that expresses clearly that he knows the Lord hears and cares deeply for His children. He's angry at the sorrow that his church is experiencing, and yet God remains the only One to Whom he can turn. God alone can rescue those people in their distress and in their sin. It's a powerful testimony of one who has lost everything and yet has never lost faith in His Creator.
I've often wondered what would prompt a psalmist like David to say some of the things he said to God. There are Psalms where it seems he is crying out in anger, and I've thought a lot about what righteous anger means. There's a man praying in this video with that kind of anger. He shouts his prayers in a way that would create an uprising in many of our churches, but watching him grow weak and weep at the conclusion of the prayer, it made sense.
"I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of my grief; it grows weak because of all my foes." (Psalm 6:7)
This guy knows what that feels like. He's experienced those very things, and he doesn't understand why God has allowed this kind of grief. His heart cries out that emotion to God, but in a way that expresses clearly that he knows the Lord hears and cares deeply for His children. He's angry at the sorrow that his church is experiencing, and yet God remains the only One to Whom he can turn. God alone can rescue those people in their distress and in their sin. It's a powerful testimony of one who has lost everything and yet has never lost faith in His Creator.
Monday, April 11, 2011
An Easy Choice?
We read Proverbs 11 as a staff today, and I have to say, I love how clear the Proverbs make it for us sometimes. This particular Proverb presents a choice, and rather than leaving us to make a blind decision, the writer answers every question we might ask when making such an important selection. Let's take a look.
Righteousness v. Wickedness
1) A false balance is an abomination to the Lord. A just weight is his delight. (1-0 Righteouness)
2) Pride comes with disgrace. The humble get wisdom. (2-0 Righteousness)
3) Integrity guides the upright. Crookedness destroys the treacherous. (3-0 Righteousness)
4) Riches do not profit. Righteousness delivers from death. (4-0 Righteousness)
5) Righteousness keeps the blameless' way straight. The wicked fall by their own wickedness. (5-0 Righteousness)
6) Righteousness delivers the upright. The treacherous are taken captive by their own lust. (6-0 Righteousness)
7) Wicked dies = hope and wealth perishes. (7-0 Righteousness)
8) Righteous are delivered from trouble. Wicked walks into trouble (8-0 Righteousness)
9) Godless man destroys his neighbor with his mouth. Righteous are delivered by knowledge. (9-0 Righteousness)
10) Righteous does well = city rejoices. Wicked perish = shouts of gladness. (10-0 Righteousness ... people are cheering for them now)
11) A blessing of the upright exalts a city. The mouth of the wicked overthrows a city. (11-0 Righteousness)
...that continues throughout the entire Proverb! A spoiler for you, Wickedness never scores a single point. It's such an easy choice! There should be no competition, and yet for some reason (sin), we always think the underdog might really be the better choice. NEVER!
Choose Righteousness!!
Righteousness v. Wickedness
1) A false balance is an abomination to the Lord. A just weight is his delight. (1-0 Righteouness)
2) Pride comes with disgrace. The humble get wisdom. (2-0 Righteousness)
3) Integrity guides the upright. Crookedness destroys the treacherous. (3-0 Righteousness)
4) Riches do not profit. Righteousness delivers from death. (4-0 Righteousness)
5) Righteousness keeps the blameless' way straight. The wicked fall by their own wickedness. (5-0 Righteousness)
6) Righteousness delivers the upright. The treacherous are taken captive by their own lust. (6-0 Righteousness)
7) Wicked dies = hope and wealth perishes. (7-0 Righteousness)
8) Righteous are delivered from trouble. Wicked walks into trouble (8-0 Righteousness)
9) Godless man destroys his neighbor with his mouth. Righteous are delivered by knowledge. (9-0 Righteousness)
10) Righteous does well = city rejoices. Wicked perish = shouts of gladness. (10-0 Righteousness ... people are cheering for them now)
11) A blessing of the upright exalts a city. The mouth of the wicked overthrows a city. (11-0 Righteousness)
...that continues throughout the entire Proverb! A spoiler for you, Wickedness never scores a single point. It's such an easy choice! There should be no competition, and yet for some reason (sin), we always think the underdog might really be the better choice. NEVER!
Choose Righteousness!!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Cycle of Misery
You know how there's that one Sunday school lesson that sticks with you for years? I've got one. I don't know why this is the one that keeps staying around, as there wasn't anything particularly meaningful about it at the time, but I think about it often.
It was "the cycle of misery" lesson.
I just finished reading through the book of Judges this morning. It's probably the first time I've actually made it all of the way through on schedule, and doing so made that cycle of misery stick out. Take a look:
2:2 - "But you have not obeyed my voice. What is this you have done?"
2:4-5 - "the people lifted up their voice and wept...and they sacrificed there to the Lord"
2:11 - "and the people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals"
2:18 - "the Lord was moved to pity by their groaning because of those who afflicted and oppressed them"
2:19 - "they turned back and were more corrupt than their fathers"
3:9 - "when the people of Israel cried out to the Lord, the Lord raised up a deliverer for the people of Israel"
3:12 - "the people of Israel again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord"
3:15 - "then the people of Israel cried out to the Lord, and the Lord raised up for them a deliverer"
4:1 - "and the people of Israel again did what was evil the sight of the Lord"
4:3 - "then the people of Israel cried out to the Lord for help"
6:1 - "the people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the Lord"
6:6 - "the people of Israel cried out for help to the Lord"
8:33 - "the people of Israel turned again and whored after the Baals and made Baal-berith their god"
10:10 - "the people of Israel cried out to the Lord"
13:1 - "and the people of Israel again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord"
What a sad, sad cycle to be in! I find myself asking the Israelites - "Why? Why would you forsake a God over and over Who has been SO gracious to you?" Why do continue to go back to your own ways when He's proven time after time that your sole joy and satisfaction is in Him?"
Every time I ask those questions, though, I find the Israelites almost screaming back at me from the pages of the Word. "Why do you do it, then? It's the same God, gracious and full of compassion, the One Who continues to show you that He is your sole source of joy and satisfaction. Your sin is no less than ours. Why?"
It's a good question, and I wish I had a good answer other than my own pride, selfishness and sin. I am thankful, though, that Jesus Christ has redeemed me from the eternal curses that my sin deserves. I am thankful that even in my cycle of misery, I have a Savior.
It was "the cycle of misery" lesson.
I just finished reading through the book of Judges this morning. It's probably the first time I've actually made it all of the way through on schedule, and doing so made that cycle of misery stick out. Take a look:
2:2 - "But you have not obeyed my voice. What is this you have done?"
2:4-5 - "the people lifted up their voice and wept...and they sacrificed there to the Lord"
2:11 - "and the people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals"
2:18 - "the Lord was moved to pity by their groaning because of those who afflicted and oppressed them"
2:19 - "they turned back and were more corrupt than their fathers"
3:9 - "when the people of Israel cried out to the Lord, the Lord raised up a deliverer for the people of Israel"
3:12 - "the people of Israel again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord"
3:15 - "then the people of Israel cried out to the Lord, and the Lord raised up for them a deliverer"
4:1 - "and the people of Israel again did what was evil the sight of the Lord"
4:3 - "then the people of Israel cried out to the Lord for help"
6:1 - "the people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the Lord"
6:6 - "the people of Israel cried out for help to the Lord"
8:33 - "the people of Israel turned again and whored after the Baals and made Baal-berith their god"
10:10 - "the people of Israel cried out to the Lord"
13:1 - "and the people of Israel again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord"
What a sad, sad cycle to be in! I find myself asking the Israelites - "Why? Why would you forsake a God over and over Who has been SO gracious to you?" Why do continue to go back to your own ways when He's proven time after time that your sole joy and satisfaction is in Him?"
Every time I ask those questions, though, I find the Israelites almost screaming back at me from the pages of the Word. "Why do you do it, then? It's the same God, gracious and full of compassion, the One Who continues to show you that He is your sole source of joy and satisfaction. Your sin is no less than ours. Why?"
It's a good question, and I wish I had a good answer other than my own pride, selfishness and sin. I am thankful, though, that Jesus Christ has redeemed me from the eternal curses that my sin deserves. I am thankful that even in my cycle of misery, I have a Savior.
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