Solely Satisfied

What satisfies my soul? I mean really, at this moment in my life, what would make me say, "I am so satisfied."

Sadly, if I was being honest, I would often say food, pleasure, entertainment, a job well done, etc. Which is why Psalm 63 really hit me today as I read what I should have read yesterday.

"My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for you." (v. 5-7)

Ouch. In fact, double ouch.

Not only should my soul be satisfied in God, for Whom it should thirst (v.1), but it should be satisfied just as much and even so much more than I would ever think I'm satisfied by the sweetness of food. And it's a lasting satisfaction ... "I will bless you as long as I live" (v.4). No food, pleasure, entertainment or job would ever give me a satisfaction that would cause me to praise it for as long as I live!

Now here's where the double ouch happened...

The last couple of nights have been really long for me. I tend to panic a bit internally at bedtime, especially if I had some extra caffeine or maybe something I ate didn't sit right. If I don't feel like I'm breathing normally, or if I'm worried that I'll be awake after Ryan is asleep, or if the wind is blowing a bit too strongly outside, I'm awake in my bed for hours. I'm meditating during those watches of the night, but definitely not on God. I'm meditating on myself, and on what satisfaction I think my husband or my own health or even my own safety will provide. But God has been my help! I should treasure those times of meditating on HIM! Times of great joy while dwelling in the shadow of His wings!

My time in the Word has become a treasure this year as I've made myself stay faithful to it, but it's also been really challenging. I want to be solely satisfied, "souly satisfied," in Him, and it should be so easy, but it's such a struggle.