lost post number one

Creating this public blog prompted me to go back and read some of what I had posted on the secret blog. The last post was dated February 17, 2009, and I now realize why I made it so secret. For about a year, every post was about boy troubles...then happiness because of a boy...then boy troubles again. While most of the time I just want to laugh at myself because of those posts, at the same time it's making me so very grateful for the sovereignty of God. His timing is perfect. I see that now. Check out this post for example, dated January 1, 2009.

Another New Year...

It came last night and I didn't even realize it...2009 is here to stay for another 365 days, and 2008 is something that I'll never see again. It's kinda crazy really when you think about it, especially when you start thinking about everything that happened during 2008. Last year when we said goodbye to 2007, I was really kind of sentimental about it, but this year I'm really actually glad to see the old year go. It's been a good year in a lot of ways with many good and life-changing moments, but it's been a hard year in a lot of ways, too. Thankfully, this New Year's, I feel like I am headed in the right direction in my life, whereas last year this time I was in the wrong places and looking towards the wrong things for my future. God has been so faithful in His discipline of me and in His pursuance of me in the last year, and for that I am grateful. I am so undeserving of the grace that He has shown me throughout my trials, and also for the many blessings that I've seen through the good times...He is so good! Looking to 2009, there are a lot of really scary things coming up. For example, I have no money for school, not to mention the many other expenses that seem to keep coming up. Also, I am still struggling with the loss of the close relationship with Ryan that I had back in November...I feel like something will change in that here in the coming weeks, but I just don't know what. God is really teaching me patience and reliance upon Him in that situation. Another scary thing is that I graduate from school (forever) on May 9th. I have no idea at all what May 10th holds, but I know that my life is going to change drastically at that point. I'm feeling more and more the beginnings of a leading towards ministry work, and not knowing how that fits into the whole Master's degree thing is hard. There's just a lot of stuff coming up and it's scary, but I am resting in the knowledge that God is still sovereign and He's still going to be faithful in every single thing in my life, just as He has been my whole life. Why should that change just because the number at the end of the year changed?

Happy New Year!

Crazy...I don't even remember feeling all of those things, and yet now I see that in just a year and a half since then, God has completely shown Himself faithful in each of those areas. Even though I laugh at myself for saying those things, being able to see His faithfulness now is tremendously encouraging. He's still doing that today! That definitely won't change even when I read this a year and a half from now.